Lost!?!?!

Nothing much going on this week. Still recovering from the screw up during the auditions. Though the band said "it's ok, don't think about it". Maybe I was hoping they would blame me so that I can bury my guilt in their anger? I guess so.

Feeling quite down recently, all hopes were lost in reaching the Waseda girl, the screw up during the auditions, due to that I saw my own limitations as a drummer too. Tried to get some new members to join us which always ended up saying no or just MIA, jammed with 1 of the SCC bands and that didn't go well either. Everything seems going in the opposite direction of where I wana go. Tried talking to a friend but ended up with him asking me to log in to.. Well, that works too. I guess no one takes you seriously when you gives others an impression of a comcial tell others you're feeling down. Or some just choose to ignore what you're sad about and expect you to feel their pain when they are feeling down. I guess it's the Bystander Effect, everyone with the thinking "Aiya, sure got someone else is willing to listen to his whinings" ? Studying ISP does has it's advantages, hahaha.

Another reason is because happenings of a character in a TV series kinda reflected some of the way I do or view things? I know this sounds crazy but yeah..spend sometime reading it. The dude in the show is a very hard-working person, anything he did not understand or know how it works, he make sure that he learn/study until he is good in/at it. He believed that if others do a 100%, he needs to do 120%..but everything he worked hard for, either end up wasted or ended up in a bad way. Friends turned their backs on him for all the wrong reasons, and he lost a leg in an accident. Similiarities? Link it yourself, though I didn't lose any of my limps :s, hahaha..Anyway, it's played by the script so try not to look so into it.

Overheard a conversation between a grandmother and her grandson on the bus on my way home from school, The grandson wanted something badly, i don't know what it is but I'm quite taken back by the reply from his grandma, "Son, the harder you try to hold onto something, in the end all you manage to hold onto, are your fists only." I guess the grandson is too young to understand that, but it just hit me as if she was saying that to me..

Grandma, if you're still alive, what will you say to me?
Send me some guidence, I'm kinda lost.
Lost, not emo. Hahaha~



Peace!!
DC